Cleaning Out My Office

This is something I posted on Instagram (@curioussparkledirt) one week ago and I want to share it here.

Welcome to my office. Or at least the part I used.

Assorted stimulants. Will trade for GHB. (JUST KIDDING IM NOT LOOKING FOR A DEALER I ALREADY HAVE ONE THANKS JAZZ PHARMA.)

Narrator: How is she smiling? Because she showed up to the department as herself. For the first time ever.

My least favorite place in the world.

Thomas Jefferson’s University. *eyes roll so hard they pop out of head*

Today my amazing husband helped me clean out my grad school office. And then dealt with me afterwards. Nothing makes a person grumpy quite like returning to the shrine of their undiagnosed neurological disease.

You might be sick if…you sneak a rug, pillow, and blankets into your office on a weekend night under cover of darkness so you can sleep underneath your desk for 3-4 hours/day before going home to sleep more, all after sleeping 10+ hours/night. Oh the shame I’ve carried…

Will I go back to finish my dissertation? No idea. But I’m grateful to have the diagnosis and to have Xyrem, so that when I’m fully treated in a year I’ll have a choice. Because there was a time when I loved my field and loved my research. And I’m done letting narcolepsy make my decisions.

A blog post to come when I’m done stewing. A week? A month? A year? No one knows. But what I do know? It’s okay to not be okay. About this one thing. Because everything else right now is fuckin fantastic.

Love,
The #narcolepsyprincess