This is something I posted on Instagram (@curioussparkledirt) one week ago and I want to share it here.
Today my amazing husband helped me clean out my grad school office. And then dealt with me afterwards. Nothing makes a person grumpy quite like returning to the shrine of their undiagnosed neurological disease.
You might be sick if…you sneak a rug, pillow, and blankets into your office on a weekend night under cover of darkness so you can sleep underneath your desk for 3-4 hours/day before going home to sleep more, all after sleeping 10+ hours/night. Oh the shame I’ve carried…
Will I go back to finish my dissertation? No idea. But I’m grateful to have the diagnosis and to have Xyrem, so that when I’m fully treated in a year I’ll have a choice. Because there was a time when I loved my field and loved my research. And I’m done letting narcolepsy make my decisions.
A blog post to come when I’m done stewing. A week? A month? A year? No one knows. But what I do know? It’s okay to not be okay. About this one thing. Because everything else right now is fuckin fantastic.
3 thoughts on “Cleaning Out My Office”
[…] because I was jealous that it is socially acceptable for little kids to nap while I was secretly sleeping under my desk as I tried to write my PhD dissertation in […]
[…] for three meals a day, every day. Being in social situations became impossible and I was still sleeping under my desk at grad school. Scratch that, I didn’t have my own office so I wasn’t even going in to […]
[…] hadn’t been diagnosed with narcolepsy but I knew my grad school situation was untenable. I couldn’t hold down a 9-5 job 5 days/week so I took up substitute teaching and […]